Effective boundary setting first and foremost involves a degree of self-belief and self-confidence. You need to be very clear in your own mind exactly what you want to change, why, and the benefits to yourself and others. Then it is easier to communicate your new rules in a way they understand and to be firm and consistent when they resist. Of course, there will be resistance from some. They have been very used to you prioritising their needs above yours, so it’s initially inconsiderate, selfish, unloving of you to do so, but only in their eyes.
As long as you are firmly consistent, eventually they will accept, or choose not to, and move on. Their choice doesn’t automatically make yours wrong, except for them in their reality. It can still be 100% right for you. Looking after your needs first isn’t selfish. It’s a very sensible way to ensure you always have enough (love, energy, patience) to give others as needed.
Not enough time or is it not enough self-worth?
Just think about it, if you feel you don’t have enough time, is it a self-worth issue?
- Valuing everyone else’s needs over yours? Never saying “No”, never filling your emotional and physical well?
- Struggling with boundary setting and maintenance – being a doormat?
- Taking on huge or numerous tasks to prove you are good enough?
- Not taking the time to care for your health?
- Not truly believing you are deserving of wealth, success, happiness, so not taking the right actions, or protecting yourself through procrastination?
- Constantly concerned about what others may think of you, using up valuable head-space?
Pay particular attention to any points above you had a strong reaction to – there’s a message there for you. So now you are aware, you can decide to do and think differently, so you do free up more time for what is truly important to you and your progress. If you need help with #ClearingHeadTrash so you can remove your blocks, ask me about your options.
Especially beware the energy vampires. They are those who will suck you dry if you let them, dragging you down into their Pity Pit. If you walk away from a visit feeling drained, know you have just visited with an energy vampire. By all means, offer a helping hand up, but resist being dragged down as then you will both be stuck, wallowing in misery and helplessness.
Be aware too of emotional blackmail being used to keep you close. One dear client who used to attract flocks of vampires bought herself a pretty silver cross on a chain to celebrate our work and her new confidence and boundaries. She used it as a resource anchor she could rub whenever an energy vampire was trying to be particularly invasive.
Sometimes the very best thing you can do to help yourself or someone else is to simply say “No.” And stick to it. (Even if it is your mother or child.) If you are feeling too tangled up in the relationship to do that, booking a “Clean Slate” session with me can be a great starting point or even the answer.
[Excerpt from Chapter 12 “The Face Within: How To Change Your Unconscious Blueprint”, available from www.GrowingContent.com.au/shop-now]